Matrimonials

Quite like the Singles websites the Americans have, we Indians have matrimonial sites. People are not looking to date here, they are rather looking to marry.

This being the case, things like your religion and caste tend to get played up more than what you are looking for in a partner. People familiar with me know I think caste is an odious thing and I find it sickening that it still is a major factor in deciding marriages and what I find more sickening is Christians doing the caste thing.

 Shame on all you Christians who list their caste on these sites and those who look to marry of their children only within their caste. Some form of Christianity you preach. Given that I also believe that casteism is racism, I believe you are not better than white supremacist Christians or those bastards who oppose inter racial marriage.

Here is a sample.

http://bmser.tamilmatrimony.com/cgi-bin/viewmatrimony.cgi?ID=M617493

This is what she has in her About Me section.

 I hail from a decent protestant Christian Nadar family of Thiruneveli, settled in Chennai.

This is how she sees herself or atleast how she wants to be seen. I don't know what makes a family decent, but the very fact she describes herself in terms of caste tells one volumes.

 Family Values Moderate. Yeah, there's a section called Family values. I have no idea of what that means, though it does bring images of Dr. Dobson smacking his dog around.

I have no fucking clue as to what that means.Any Indians out there familiar with the code language being spoken in this site, please let me know what the term family values means and what moderate means. This is crazy.

Her preference:

 A God-fearing boy with clean habits from a decent protestant Christian Nadar family; must be a professional, preferably employed in Chennai

Being a Christian myself, I guess a God fearing boy is one who does not smoke, drink and is totally okay with marrying someone his racist (read casteist) parents choose for him. For God demands that your partner be someone from your own caste, picked by your equally God fearing parents.  

To quote Eric Cartman : Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck. Btw, what does Manglik mean? Someone please enlighten me.

 I remember the Sunday afternoons when my parents would have much fun going over the matrimonial section. I am only now getting to see why they found it funny. 

Comments

[sinoindian]

Had a thinking that Casteism is only in Hinduism, I was wrong.

Had a thinking that "Education" is just enough to make the people rationale. Again, I am wrong.

Need the "sixth" sense, which I think is "Common Sense".

The term "God Fearing" also confuses me. Why should we be afraid of the so called "God"? If the so called "God" is "all loving, peaceful, merciful and ...", we don't need to be afraid of him. All we gotta do is "Respect" him/her/it.

I think people can't be at peace till they restrain/refrain themselves from everything out of fear for some supernatural thing.

"Fear of what?". Now don't ask me if I wouldn't be afraid if I am threatened to be pushed off a cliff. I guess that's a different thing.

In my personal view, fear affects proper communication. Say, you have a Girl Friend. And you don't wanna let your parents know that you are in love lest they should scold you for that. What the heck is that "fear" for? We ain't doing anything wrong. And what we are doing is perfectly natural and it isn't a wrongful act (I don't wanna use the word "Sin").

People stopped me when I wanted to talk to my father. But, why? He's my father. He should understand. And if he thinks I am doing something wrong, he should explain me calmly.

I am just correlating the so called "God" with my father. I have respect for my father, I have absolutely no fear for him.

I think everything should come out of Conscience and Common Sense.

The problem comes when they don't give any explanation other than the words "Oththuvarathu" meaning "Won't work out". Why can't they explain? We tell them out of respect and this is what you get for telling.

Shouldn't talk with the opposite sex. You ask why, you get "I told you, you shouldn't".

When you are raised like this, you'll only pass these dogmata to the next generation. And that's what is happening in our country.

You can't explain "Family Values". It's like culture. hehehe

Burn these family values, burn these cultures. We just have to "THINK", "ANALYZE" and be "FLEXIBLE". In one word, we just have to be "Rational".

Changes are inevitable. As, George Bernard Shaw says ""Progress is impossible without changes, and those who can never change their opinion can neither change the world nor change themselves".

Cultures didn't come in a day. It got moulded over the years. We can't expect our lives to be like how it was centuries ago. And it would be stupid of us, if we stop it from moulding any further.

People don't understand. If you say something new, they will say "Ilavattam/ Ilaraththam, adhaan konjam sooda irukuthu" (Youth blood, that's why he's talking like that).

You wouldn't wanna talk about it any further. Would you?


P.S. I intend no offence to the believers of god. For all you believers, you have my respect.
I am not an atheist, I am not agnostic. I am not a believer. And I am not here to make you believe or disbelieve. I am just a human being.

[ananthiselvan]

the so called "born again christians" also want mates from the same caste, good looking, slim and so on. i wonder in what way they call themselves as born again christians. O, Lord save those christians.

[ananthiselvan]

our Lord is not a supernatural thing. he was very much there as a human being and was crucified for the mankind and risen from death as a saviour for tha mankind. the "fear" factor is different.you don't have to fear your father but to respect him. that is ok. you don't have to fear god. but to respect him. that is correct. but this respect differs when you come to god. this is reverence and submission before the almighty. so it is called "god fearing." since you are young you are unable to feel that feeling about god. i may be mistaken about your faith but certainly there is difference between respect and god fearing.and the so called god fearing in the matrimonilas are not at all god fearing and have respect for the oppsite sex i think. greedy. fair, slim, good looking and so on. those three facts will fade with time.

[Sarathy]

First, Posting Profile urls , you are interfering in the privacy life of individuals who have posted their profiles.

You have the right to comment agaist casteism, but you cant post someone's (That too a Girl) profile like this in your site. What will happen if some men sees that profile and starts abusing her.

Second., caste and religion is someone's personal issue.

[Samuel Selvan]

Say what? How am I interfering with anything here? One loses any right to privacy the moment he/she posts any info that is clearly meant for public consumption. I am commenting about something that's in the public realm. So I don't really get your point here.

Why would some man see that profile and see abusing her? More to the point isn't this whole exercise of posting profiles aimed at getting men to look at it?

And yeah, I don't like my rights being read to me.

[Sarathy]

Thanks for being polite in your reply., I just wanted to say,
You have the right to praise your religion, You say that you are a christian
Like wise, she has the right to look for a person from her caste, Its her right, and i think you dont have the right to comment on her preference., its her life and her preference.,

[sinoindian]

Sarathy,
I *think* you have the "right" to sue Samuel Selvan. Go sue him! Good luck!

[sarathy]

I dont have the right :), only the girl whose profile he has listed has the right or maybe the matrimony company

[Rasal Doss]

I think oneness above religion amoung nadars is not a new one.If you go back to history and the sufferings they had to bear, coexistance amoung nadar can not be loosened like you.

[Rose]

But groom's expectation seems to very high.
Our Average groom's Expectations :-
Though he is above 35. He expects only girls between 23 to 30. But earning can be double or triple times of what he earns.
Though he is a graduate, he expects PG girls, Doctor, Engineer,...
Though he is still looking for career, he expects the girl to be settled, earning so and so.....

...
There are another set of grooms.
They are ready to marry a elder girl who is earning more than his.

Shameless GUYS.
I have come across number of guys. We lost a soul in our family because of the groom's expectation.

[Rose]

But groom's expectation seems to very high.
Our Average groom's Expectations :-
Though he is above 35. He expects only girls between 23 to 30. But earning can be double or triple times of what he earns.
Though he is a graduate, he expects PG girls, Doctor, Engineer,...
Though he is still looking for career, he expects the girl to be settled, earning so and so.....

...
There are another set of grooms.
They are ready to marry a elder girl who is earning more than his.

Shameless GUYS.
I have come across number of guys. We lost a soul in our family because of the groom's expectation.

[Selvan]

The Indians are a peculiar people. Even the 'Parable Of The Good Samaritan" tends to be twisted by the so called believers. The journey to Jericho from Jerusalem is taken as moving towards evil from the good.The fact that this parable appears only in the gospel according to Luke, a Greek and he might have intended to have a dig at the Jews' racial pride or 'The Lord' himself spoke 'Aramaic' and not Hebrew wouldn't have any effect on the so called 'Indian Christians'. Except for their names and some rituals they are all Hindus only as claimed by the R.S.S people.Just like the Hindus the Christians also tend to go by the individual's caste. Worse still the 'Syrian Christians' claim to be descendants of the twice born Nambudris converted by St. Thomas himself. This is in noway different from the tendency among the Hindus to claim foreign origin or descent from some gods or some conquering tribes.
Or take the case of Kannada speaking Christians. Every now and then their opposition to conducting the 'Service' Tamil in the Catholic churches in Bangalore takes a violent turn.The Goan christians also take immense pride in flaunting their upper caste origins and their connections to the Portugese rulers. In the northern parts of Tamilnadu, Chritianity is associated with low caste status and just to prove their credentials to their Hindu masters, the 'people of God' tend to make disparaging remarks about the so called low caste people.The tragedy here is that their faith has not given them the mental strength to ignore the world view of 'The Heathens'.Instead they try to win the admiration of the others.

[Rose]

There are N number of English churches in Mumbai, Pune and Delhi. Nothing matters there except Christ, our Father and love.
Go to any Church in Pune or Delhi Church, you find the people from different states, languages, professions, etc....
Especially people in defence, central govt freq transfer employees.....
Maturity comes there...
If any Kannadiga, Tamilian, Goan goes to Delhi for work/career and attend a service there, nothing matters there. ( Keralites are exceptional here because of their divides, population outside Kerala, majority of the community,etc.. )

Since our country is politically/geographically divided in a such way, people take pride in their nativity/regional languages/culture/issues.... Want to show their superiority over others...

Coming to that Nadar girl issue....
You dare to pick up the words from the girl's profile ? Have you ever seen any groom's profile in matrimonial sites. You can find the same words in groom profiles. Why don't you review it/discuss it in detail ?
Always waiting to find fault/mistake/error... in girl's profile. Go by each and every word of the girl's profile. Suspicious look at the girl's profile.....Make fun of it.

Shall I get you the funniest/interesting things from the groom's profile ? ( Sorry, No Time. If you have time, check it out groom profiles in matrimonial sites )
Expectation from groom's side? Some with no expectations at all. How to find out their expectations ? No idea ?

I guess you have never seen BRIDES WANTED ads in a leading newspaper/matirmonial sites.

One more column of blog is needed for Matrimonial websites... One of the good timepass site for so many... Everyone has to play with their words from dictionary....

Another ad in the last week leading national newspaper-classified.

"CSI CHRISTIAN Nadar boy working in MNC seeks god fearing fair height 160 Cm and above aged below 25 yrs BE/ME/MCA girl preferably working in Chennai. "
Nothing says abt groom's age/qual/height/....Except his caste and MNC job.

Please don't post this ad. We will respect their privacy. Everyone has right to give any ad in newspaper. This is only for your kind information.

Don't know how poor girls parents' respond to it and keep waiting.
Selection will based on high qual/high earning/less age/most fairer/most tall......

I am still trying to find out "Marriage are made in Heaven " "Missing Rib " means.

We will stop blogging with individual profile / personal ad reviews here itself.
Rgds.

[Samuel Selvan]

Your comment touches on a lot of issues, but let me address just one, if you did take a look at my whole blog, you would find I am not someone who picks on girls as you seem to believe. That is just a matrimonial ad I happened to see and comment on.

Nowhere do I say, that this ad is a function of the person's gender. What I am railing against here is the fact that the body of Christ is supposed to be explicitly against such divisions. And yet I see Christians asking for someone in their own caste.

You just posted the ad in my comments section which is public. I don't understand what the big deal here is, I am not giving out any personal identifying information and far more people are likely to read the newspaper than this blog.

I can only write about what catches my fancy at any time. I am not writing any of this with a conscious agenda as the lack of a series of posts about these matrimonial ads should tell you.Your criticism might have some merit if I ran a series of posts talking about matrimonial ads posted by women and mocked them. I have friends from both sexes who have done this, and I am aware of how this process is tilted against the girl. I am glad you are aware of it too and I welcome you to rail against it and send me a link if you have a blog.

I cannot be expected to write everything someone else expects me to. I do not write for an audience, I just ramble about what's on my mind that time. I wish this blog was a highly structured one with a voice, (that would be an achievement) but sadly it isn't. So there is no agenda here and your criticism is misplaced.

Thanks for the comments.

[Samuel Selvan]

I am sorry about the loss in your family. My condolences.